Don't Stand so Close to Me
Yeah. You're in my personal space. Would you take a step back? Yeah. Another one. And another one? Aaaand shut the door? From the outside? Okay. There we go. We're good.
Guinness World Records tracks the Largest Bubblegum Bubble Blown (50.8 cm diameter as of the writing of this copy) and Largest Free-Floating Soap Bubble (area of 13.67 m2), but they don't have a listing for Largest Personal Space Bubble, which we think we could be competitive at. (They also have a listing for Largest Bubblegum Bubble Blown - Nose. We're just going to share that and move on.) They could hook us up to a hospital monitor and take our vitals with a stranger at various distance intervals to test it. And, as the prize, they could give the winner a "Keep back 500 feet" sign. Or this shirt.
"If you can read this, you are too close" in a super big font which can be read from far away on a black, 100% cotton t-shirt.