Zombie Identification Chart
The more you know...
We recommend that you buy this shirt and memorize it before the zombie apocalypse, because it's really complicated to read your own shirt while you're being chased by the undead. It's probably best all around if we don't share with you how we know.
In case of zombie apocalypse, the most important thing is to know what you're working with. Identify your tools and figure out what type of undead you're up against. You might be prepared to tear a zombie in half with a machine gun. Effective against a 28 Days Later zombie. Not so effective for a Romero zombie. Which conveniently brings us to the list:
- Crawler - These are often zombies torn in half by stupid people with machine guns who don't get the "destroy the brain" concept, but these can also be zombies who had accessibility issues in life. They don't move very fast, but if you forget to look down, you'll regret it.
- Shambler - In all likelihood, this is the sort of zombie you'll be up against. Remember: you move faster than they do. Aim for the head. And if you're going to back yourself into an alley, make sure it's well-stocked with ammo.
- Walker - Despite the sneak-attack powers of the crawler zombie, the Walkers are the sneakiest of the bunch. That's because they look normal. Maybe slightly green. As if they have the stomach flu. And you're all, "Oh hey, Bob. How're you doing? You wanna help me with the.... OH MY GOD!!! YOU'RE NOT BOB!!!" We recommend offing all your friends named Bob now to avoid the problem in the future.
- Runner - Nitpickers will point out that these are often not actual zombies but infected humans. Others will point out that the nitpickers probably aren't currently being chased by said zombies and so should shut their traps.
- Thriller - The dangerous thing about Thriller zombies is their coordination. Sure, any other type of zombies will eventually gravitate to form a mob, but Thriller zombies will eat your brains as a matching synchronized horde.
Zombie Identification Chart in black and red (you've got red on you) on an ice grey 100% cotton t-shirt. Machine wash cold. Tumble dry low or lay flat to dry. Imported.