Fetch... the Comfy Chair!
"Trouble at t' t-shirt mill." "What sort of trouble?" "One of press's gone out of skew on treadle." "Pardon?" "One of press's gone out of skew on treadle." "I don't understand what you're saying. " "One of the presses has gone out of skew on the treadle."
Nooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Our chief weapon is fear. Fear and surprise. Our two, two main weapons are fear, surprise, and a ruthless efficiency. Our three, three main weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope. Ah. Amongst our weapons are fear, surprise.... Amongst our weaponry are.... Ah. I'll come in again.
"The Spanish Inquisition" and the subtitle "Expected by Nobody Since 1970" printed on a black shield with white highlights on a cardinal red (get it? cardinal red?), 100% cotton t-shirt. The design includes the hat from Cardinal Ximinez (Michael Palin) and two crosses.