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Guide to Pirate Parenting

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Avast ye land lubber spawn raiser

  • Book of tips for raising a wee pirate
  • You know you want a schooner for a minivan
  • Cap'n Billy will help you raise a buccaneer

If you’re like most parents, you long to raise your children as pirates but just don’t know how. In the Guide to Pirate Parenting, Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall provides everything you need to know to turn your little powder monkeys into happy, healthy buccaneers. You'll learn:

  • At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye
  • Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie
  • How to prevent sogging the quartermaster
  • The best place to maroon your disobedient child
  • How to remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child’s hair
  • The difference between plundering and pillaging
  • How to convert your minivan into a pirate schooner
  • When to smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar

And best of all each information-packed section of the Guide to Pirate Parenting ends with “Your pirate’s progress,” a short quiz that shows whether your child is reaching his or her pirate development milestones. If you follow the instructions in this book and your child does not become a pirate, Cap'n Billy will refund the purchase price of this book. *

* Please note, Cap'n Billy reserves the right to make refunds in salt cod in lieu of cash, not that he plans to give any refunds anyways.

Guide to Pirate Parenting Video:

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