*Drops mic* (*observes gravity*)
Today's the 375th anniversary of Newton's birth, according to the Gregorian calendar (to which we are partial). Everybody talks about Newton and the apple, which is an apocryphal story at best. We're here to talk about something we have hard, scientific facts about - Newton's luscious locks. Yes, that's undoubtedly a wig in the image everybody associates with him. Newton's own hair, the stuff under the wig, showed elevated levels of mercury, lead, arsenic, and antimony when tested in 1979, but more recent mitochondrial DNA testing has shown that the hair might not have been Newton's. We don't know what to make of that, but we think he'd be elated that he's still a subject of science debate almost 300 years after his death.
And if you insist that Newton's birth should be celebrated on Christmas, you can instead celebrate National Spaghetti Day today. Better yet, in addition.