Cubicledwellers, Unite!

The Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates that union members account for around 12% of employed wage and salary workers in the U.S. So one out of every 8 1/3 people is in a union of some sort. We'll let you decide which of your coworkers gets divided into thirds for the purposes of this example. We vote it goes to the guy who wanders up to you to ask what "PC Load Letter" means. PC Load Letter? I got yer PC Load Letter right here, bub.

There are labor groups for opera orchestra musicians, for professional lacrosse players, for pizza delivery drivers... so let's ponder for a moment the existence of one for cubicle workers. What can your Local 1337 do for you? We stand for the rights of all cubicle dwellers. We work to establish universal minimum space requirements. The hypotenuse of your cubicle should be as long as your tallest coworker, so that you can become horizontal in your cubicle if long nights and conference calls involving time zone differences require it. We fight for fully stocked vending machines. And none of that fresh fruit crap. We demand caffeine and yellow #5. We hold employers to all applicable OSHA standards, especially those regarding the dangers of prolonged periods of activity. Cause prolonged periods of activity suck.

In all honesty, collective bargaining probably isn't any place in IT's future. Face it. We can hardly get together for meetups and conventions, let alone discussion of workplace standards. Unless there's free food involved. Then we're there.

Cubicle Workers Local 1337 union logo with motto "PC Load Letter" printed on a stone blue, 100% cotton t-shirt.