A Summary of the Great Bumper Fish War

For years, the habitability of the reef of automobile bumpers went unnoticed by fish (and marine biologists) everywhere. The first fish to recognize the opportunity was the ΙΧΘΥΣ aka the Jesus fish. They swam along happily on their little bumpers, sometimes singly, sometimes in schools. Then they were joined by the Darwin fishes. The Darwin fish's chief claim to fame was its feet. They paced back and forth on bumpers going, "Behold! I have feet!" One day when they were busy showing off some new shoes they'd just bought, they were eaten by the easily-annoyed and apparently very hungry but definitely not-superior-as-a-result-of-natural-selection Truth fishes.

The previously unpopulated bumper reef suddenly became a veritable feeding frenzy, sort of like what happens when you toss a bunch of Oscars into a tank that's too small. So a new fish was introduced onto the scene. He's a big bruiser, and he's not going to take any lip from the other fishes. So everybody eat your fish flakes and STFU or there will be trouble. Big trouble.

A Darwin Fish is being eaten by a Truth Fish which in turn is being eaten by a STFU Fish on this 100% cotton, blue dusk shirt.