Three Tablespoons Rhubarb, On Fire

Welcome, <Subject Name Here>. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. As you know, science is very important, and we're appreciative of your dedication of yourself up to and including possible permanent disabilities, such as death. To avoid permanent disabilities, be sure to ¶œ†⇔∼¬
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State and local statutory regulations prohibit us from revealing the entire nature of the experiment you are participating in today, but be informed that it may involve physics, psychology, thermodynamics, pharmacology, and non-Euclidean geometry. And cake. For the party. At the end. When you're done. Sometimes cake is my favorite part of science. When asking your children if they would like to attend the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day, remind them that science = cake.

The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a black, 100% cotton "Look at me still talking when there's Science to do" t-shirt in three, two, one....