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What Cave says...

"Welcome gentlemen, to aperture science. Astronauts, war-heroes, olympians, you're here because we want the best and you are it. So who is ready to make some science? Ha-ha. Now you've already met one another on the limo ride over so let me introduce my self. I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place."

"There's a thousand of tests performed here every day in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages will cover any questions yo might have and respond to any incidents that may occur on your science adventure. Your test assignment will vary depending on the manner you have bent the world to your will. Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you - fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts."

"They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding."

"Just a heads up, that coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction."

"Heh! I like your style. You make up your own rules just like me."

"The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I ought stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: Make more pre-recorded messages! I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day!"

"Science isn't about why, it's about why not. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired!"

"Congratulations! The simple fact that you're listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science. As founder and CEO of Aperture science I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests. We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you. Say goodbye Caroline. She is a gem."

"Who wants to make 60 dollars? Cash."

"So, welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope - couldn't keep a straight face."

"Greetings friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture science. You might know us as a vital participant in 1968 Senate hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented but that other people have managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt..."

"Great job astronaut, war-hero, and/or olympian. With your help we're gonna change the world. (tape distortion)"

"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down. With the lemons. I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! (Coughs) Ha-ha."