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Torso-Friendly Hadron Collider

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Your Personal Small Through 3X Hadron Collider

If you see any time-traveling birds with crusts of bread flying over Switzerland or France, please alert the scientists. Thank you.


To the tune of "Particle Man" and with apologies to They Might Be Giants:

Large Hadron Collider, Large Hadron Collider
Not particle man but particle guider
Really cold place, zoomin' around
Large Hadron Collider

Is it in France or is it Swiss?
When it gets going does it cause an abyss?
And is the Higgs Boson hiding out there?
Nobody knows, Large Hadron Collider.

The six major components of the LHC are printed in off-white around the bottom of this shirt, which is a 100% cotton t-shirt in blue dusk. See below for full text.

Text on the shirt (clockwise from the wearer's left hip):

  • LHCb
    Large Hadron Collider beauty
    Records the decay of B mesons.
    Hey! Where'd all the antimatter go?
    Ferney-Voltaire, France
  • ATLAS
    A Toroidal LHC ApparatuS
    Detects the broadest possible range of signals.
    Mmm. Magnetic doughnut.
    LCHf
    Large Hadron Collider forward
    Analyzes the energy and number of neutral pions produced.
    Cosmic rays! Pew pew pew!
    Meyrin, Switzerland
  • ALICE
    A Large Ion Collider Experiment
    Studies heavy ion collision.
    Quark-Gluon Plasma Donation TODAY!
    Saint-Genis-Pouilly, France
  • CMS (on the back)
    Compact Muon Solenoid
    Contains the world's largest silicon detector.
    "Compact" is relative.
    TOTEM
    TOTal Elastic and diffractive cross section Measurement
    Measures the size of protons and monitors luminosity.
    Anybody seen the Higgs boson? Anybody?
    Cessy, France
*This product is imported.

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