Simple Guidelines for Organizing Your Zombie Protest
"What do we want?" "Braaaaaaaains!" "No, guys. We want equal rights for zombies. Let's try this again. What do we want?" "Braaaaaaaains!" *sigh*
Congratulations! We're glad you're ready to fight for zombie rights. This article outlines some of the steps involved and the associated pitfalls to avoid when planning a successful zombie gathering.
Leadership. As you know, it is vital that some of the living remain in positions of leadership in the organization to provide the necessary motivation and thought-process behind running a large organization. Although, for consistency, you probably want your highest official to be a zombie in order to have him speak incoherently at corporate meetings and drool convincingly in discussions with politicians. However, leadership at the event should be an intelligent human, sympathetic to zombie rights. As the event coordinator, this human can provide guidance via a megaphone and also serves as a rallying point around which zombies will gather. Occasionally this "gathering" leads to "dismemberment" so you want to ensure that your event coordinator is expendable. This position fits nicely for zombie-rights activists hoping to transition to the less-demanding, zombie lifestyle.
Attendance. You might have a whole legion of supporters, but it's important to mobilize your zombie protesters so that they show up on the day of the event. Plan ahead so that folks can put it on their calendars. You can notify the mindless via your MySpace or Facebook account. Pass out leaflets to ensure the interested are notified. We've found that promising that there will be beer and brains brings the college-aged zombies out en masse in particular.
Location. We recommend a popular location with high-visibility for maximum exposure to the uninitiated. Although some organizations prefer the march, we find it easier to choose a specific place to protest. Shambling does not lend itself to marching, and zombies tend to get distracted more easily while in motion. Check with your local city hall to find out if you need a permit to gather at the location you've chosen. Remember that some of your supporters undoubtedly have physical impairments, so ensure your site is fully accessible.
Coverage. It's important to get your event covered by the media so that your reach is greater than those present at the event. After all, they all may have been eaten, even the well-intentioned, amenable-to-Zombie-rights ones (sometimes they're the tastiest). Documentary film makers, such as George A. Romero, are an indispensable resource in getting the word out. Make use of them as whenever possible.
"Zombies Were People Too" on a sandwich-board-clad zombie in black, blood red, and rotting-flesh green on a military green, 100% cotton t-shirt.
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