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A sort of poetic guide for gifts to disburse
so Valentine's Day is a bit better not worse

It's always a good time for cringeworthy poetry in bursts, but Valentine's Day especially makes us want to pen lyrics until it hurts. So here are ThinkGeek Valentine's gifts - we think you should know 'em in the format of Valentine's Day poems.

Top Geeky Valentine's Gifts For Her

Roses are neat
Violets okay
What can't be beat?
Plush Corgi Bouquets

Plush Corgi bouquet.jpg

Plush Corgi Bouquet


A good relationship we shall always be modelin'
Remaining in orbit, not breaking up like Alderaan
May not a Dagobah without us sharing a kind word
Our love shall never Endor ever become maudlin

Star Wars Planetary Necklace

Star Wars Galactic Necklace


If you're looking for a gift that's not a bore,
think about a purse that's a dinosaur
It keeps all her money
While being quite funny
For a Valentine's that's memorable for many more

Betseysaurusrex Purse

Betsey Johnson Betseysaurusrex Purse


Some prefer clubbing
But I'm into tubbing
Rub-a-dub dubbing
With a cupcake that's bubbling

Geeklove Cupcake Bath Bomb

I Love My Geek 8-Bit Heart Cupcake Bath Bomb - Exclusive


I saw this gift, 
thought of you, and smiled
Because about you 
I'm Hogwarts wild
Hope you'll slumber well 
in Harry Potter style

Hogwarts Sleep Shirt

Harry Potter Hogwarts Ladies' One-Piece Sleepwear


Top Geeky Valentine's Gifts For Him

Roses you smell
Water you drink
Let's raise a glass
To your new cufflinks

I Love You I Know Cufflinks

Star Wars I Love You / I Know Cufflinks


The Falcon was always under repair
With Han propping walls up via girder
This one has many  tools - don't despair
A small gift for your favorite nerf herder

Star Wars Millennium Falcon Multi-tool Kit

Star Wars Millennium Falcon Multi-Tool Kit - Exclusive


For my dearest dream hunk
Who's so into steampunk
I couldn't resist
this atop your wrist
So some cash down I plunked

Tesla Watch

Tesla Watch


There once was a geek from Nantucket
He wore a guitar shirt and could pluck it
His solo went on
For far, far too long
He forgot all the notes and said... he'd just wing it and sort of do a jazz riff if that'd be okay

Electronic Rock Guitar Shirt

Playable Electronic Rock Guitar Shirt


There's no homing beacon for you to track it
If a rogue should attempt to jack it
It's pretty awesome loot
That makes us go w00t
So take care of your Star Wars Rebel jacket

Star Wars Rebel Logo Track Jacket

Star Wars Rebel Logo Track Jacket


Top Geeky Valentine's Gifts, Non-Gender Specific

For those whose love is complex like an oil refinery
And who do not think of themselves in terms that are binary

Let's say "hip, hip, hooray!"
For the Star Wars plush bouquet
Nine cutesie characters with which to play
Could anything be better? I say nay.

Star Wars Plush Bouquet

Star Wars Plush Bouquet 3.0


Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
Beanie with two thoughts in tow
You'll love this hat, I (just) know

Star Wars Love Beanie

Star Wars I Love You / I Know Reversible Beanie


Tea for two
Me and you
Have a pot or three
Of Harry Potter tea

Harry Potter Blue Gold China Tea Set

Harry Potter Blue and Gold New Bone China Tea Set


Life is better together 
In a matching sweater
Brunette, blonde or ginger
Wear the Valiant harbinger

Valiant Harbinger Unisex Sweater

Valiant Harbinger Unisex Sweater


Do you write your own poetry to accompany the perfect Valentine's Day gift? Let us know in the comments or get in touch with us by tweeting @thinkgeek or messaging us on Facebook!

caesar rubicon.gif

Alea Iacta Est

On this day over 2000 years ago, Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and uttered those fateful words, bringing his army into Italy, effectively declaring war on the Roman Senate. Well, technically, he probably said "ἀνερρίφθω κύβος" but we're not particular. We just like the fact that there were metaphorical dice involved. Given what happened subsequently (he became dictator and the Roman Empire was born), he apparently rolled a natural 20.

ThinkGeek printable Valentine's Day cards for 2018

Love is in the air... and it smells like printer ink!

Valentine's Day is on February 14th, and while that date may seem very far away now, we all know how these things sneak up on us. That's why your friends at ThinkGeek are giving you plenty of time to plan how you're going to surprise your sweetie.

We here at ThinkGeek know how important it is that you take some time to tell the loved one in your life how much they really mean to you. So we have engineered a way to make that as easy as possible... with printable Valentine's Day cards!

Whether you want to be on top of your game by printing one out today or you're checking back in on February 14th (hello, fellow procrastinators), we have the card for you. We've designed a variety of printable cards so you can choose the one that best speaks to you and your significant other's very specific relationship!

Math? Science? Memes? Timmy has got you covered.


INSTRUCTIONS:

  1. Download the card that most catches your eye
  2. Print
  3. Fold the paper in half twice on the dotted lines
  4. Give the card to your datemate
  5. Feel secure in the knowledge that your partner loves the card you picked out
  6. Pat yourself on the back

Do you make your own Valentine's Day Cards for your person? Let us know in the comments. Or share your own geeky Valentine's Day cards with us by tweeting @thinkgeek or messaging us on Facebook.

Sir Isaac Newton's Beautiful Hair

*Drops mic* (*observes gravity*)

Today's the 375th anniversary of Newton's birth, according to the Gregorian calendar (to which we are partial). Everybody talks about Newton and the apple, which is an apocryphal story at best. We're here to talk about something we have hard, scientific facts about - Newton's luscious locks. Yes, that's undoubtedly a wig in the image everybody associates with him. Newton's own hair, the stuff under the wig, showed elevated levels of mercury, lead, arsenic, and antimony when tested in 1979, but more recent mitochondrial DNA testing has shown that the hair might not have been Newton's. We don't know what to make of that, but we think he'd be elated that he's still a subject of science debate almost 300 years after his death.

And if you insist that Newton's birth should be celebrated on Christmas, you can instead celebrate National Spaghetti Day today. Better yet, in addition.

It's been a year.

As we move into a new year (happy cosmic lap around a hot, gassy sphere, by the way!) we'd like to bid farewell to 2017. Sure, there were some rough bits, but those will eventually smooth down with the wear of time. As a fond farewell, we compiled a list of some of our favorite things we consumed in 2017. From books, to TV, to games, we tried to cover all the essentials. Now, this list was literally curated by a bunch of monkeys, so if you feel like we left something out please let us know! You can tweet us @ThinkGeek with your good-natured suggestions. We want to hear what awesome things you discovered in 2017 so we can add them to our Steam Library/Netflix Queue/Goodreads/what-have-you. Without further ado!

Favorite Movie

Blade Runner 2049


Chosen by Jeff, Director of Product Marketing and Regan, Defender of the Oxford Comma

Jeff: "I was skeptical of adding to the original film's universe, but 2049 felt like it was a perfect extension of Ridley Scott's original world."

Regan: "Because we've been waiting so long and it was so very pretty."

From Rotten Tomatoes:

Thirty years after the events of the first film, a new blade runner, LAPD Officer K (Ryan Gosling), unearths a long-buried secret that has the potential to plunge what's left of society into chaos. K's discovery leads him on a quest to find Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), a former LAPD blade runner who has been missing for 30 years.

Favorite Book

The Alice Network by Kate Quinn


Chosen by Stephanie, Marketing Manager

"A thrilling spy story that I could not put down. Read it in 48 hours and neglected all other responsibilities."

From Goodreads:

In an enthralling new historical novel from national bestselling author Kate Quinn, two women--a female spy recruited to the real-life Alice Network in France during World War I and an unconventional American socialite searching for her cousin in 1947--are brought together in a mesmerizing story of courage and redemption.

Favorite Video Game

Horizon Zero Dawn


Chosen by Bianca, Social Media Monkey, and Erin, Email Marketing Monkey

Bianca: "As soon as I saw the announce trailer, I knew this game was made for me, and I was SO STOKED that it didn't disappoint! Amazing open-world action RPG with excellent character development and ROBOT DINOSAURS. What more could you want?

Erin: "Strong female protagonist? Check. Stealth action adventure? Check. Fighting dinosaurs? Check. Great story to slowly uncover? Check. Literally checked all my boxes."

From Guerilla Games:

Explore a vibrant world rich with the beauty of nature - but inhabited by awe-inspiring, highly advanced machines. As a young machine hunter named Aloy, you must unravel the mysteries of this world and discover your own destiny.

Favorite TV Series

Stranger Things Season 2


Chosen by Noreen, Customer Service Monkey

"Stranger Things season 2 expanded on an already excellent story and took us along for a nostalgic adventure that we'll never forget."

From Netflix:

When a young boy vanishes, a small town uncovers a mystery involving secret experiments, terrifying supernatural forces and one strange little girl.

Favorite ThinkGeek Product

Groot USB Car Charger

via GIPHY


Chosen by Midge, Senior Graphic Designer

"He dances while we listen to tunes!"

From ThinkGeek:

Have your phone charge to the cutest little floral colossus this side of the galaxy. The Marvel Groot USB Car Charger features the little guy in his tiny pot dancing around while he charges your phone or any other compatible device. Groot will stay nice and safe inside your cup holder, so, luckily, he won't need to make the ultimate sacrifice just so your phone doesn't die.

Runners-up

It turns out it's less impactful if you put random numbers of things in a favorite list, so we had to pick just one in each category. Here's the rest of our shortlist that didn't make the cut:

Movies

  • Wonder Woman
  • Logan
  • Get Out
  • Thor Ragnarok
  • Spider-Man: Homecoming

Books

  • The Collapsing Empire by John Scalzi
  • Saga by Brian K. Vaughan
  • Thrawn by Timothy Zahn
  • Basic Witches: How to Summon Success, Banish Drama, and Raise Hell with Your Coven by Jaya Saxena and Jess Zimmerman

Video Games

  • For Honor
  • Drawful
  • The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
  • Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp
  • Divinity: Original Sin 2

TV Series

  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine (NINE NINE!!!)
  • Game of Thrones
  • The Good Place
  • Poldark
  • Black Mirror

ThinkGeek Product

Think we left something out? Let us know in the comments below or tweet @ThinkGeek with your polite and well-reasoned arguments!

Singles' Day

A Bit Of History

Singles' Day is a Chinese Holiday that originated in Nanjing University in 1993. From Chinese, the name translates to "bare sticks holiday." Get it? Ones? Bare sticks? As a holiday, Singles' Day really took hold and grew on the Internet. While Singles' Day originated as Bachelors' Day, it's grown to be fully inclusive and is widely embraced throughout China, and interest in the holiday has been spreading throughout the rest of the world!

Singles' Day is essentially a fun festival that exists as a counterpoint to Valentine's Day. Singles' Day celebrates friendship, and exists as a strong affirmation that people should be happy regardless of their relationship status, which is something Timmy can get behind.

As the holiday has developed, the symbolism of its date and meaning has evolved. According to Wikipedia,

  • "1": The figure of "1" symbolizes an individual, a single person
  • 2x"1": Two individuals, finding each other, and being together on one side of the special date (11.11)
  • 2x(2x"1"): A celebration of 2 (and more) different and separate couples, each comprising two single individuals finding each other on the special date (11.11)

Singles' Day Celebrations

In China, lots of young people spend time with their friends, especially the single ones. People go out together for a night on the town, sing karaoke, and often find new friends due to all the other people celebrating. As Singles' Day's awareness and celebration has grown, the ways in which people have celebrated it have also changed. Some people are using the day to celebrate their soul-mates, saying they are "the only one." And, in what may be the strangest aspect of Singles' Day, lots of people get married .

They also shop. A lot.

Singles'_day_illustration.png

The Single Best Way To Geek Out

Be that as it may, we've just discussed how Singles' Day is all about inclusion. And we want to help you celebrate with the Single Best Way to geek out, which is, of course, picking up some great new loot from us here at ThinkGeek. (Yeah. Okay. We might be a little biased.) But in service of your Singles' Day shopping, we've marked down some of our best products.

Here are a few of our favorites, which honor some single characters from our favorite fandoms.

Ready to start your celebration? Treat yo'self to something special, and remember, in the words of Batmanuel,

"Alone" is a pathetic predicament. "Lone" is an aesthetic choice.

Shop our Singles' Day Sale products now. Whether you're looking for apparel, collectibles, vinyl records, jewelry, plush, statues, housewares, or something else entirely, we've got something to scratch your geeky itch.

Embrace your Singles' Day.
N7 Day - November 7th

Maybe you've been hanging out in a frozen cave on Gellix for the last few years and haven't heard, but N7 Day is a celebration of all things Mass Effect. BioWare celebrated the first N7 Day on November 7, 2012 to commemorate the fifth anniversary of the original Mass Effect game. Since then, BioWare and fans have celebrated the anniversary each year with fan art, cosplay, restrospectives, and amazing loot!

What's N7, And Why Does It Have A Day?

If you've played any of the Mass Effect games, this is all probably very familiar. But if you haven't, (and don't have the hours required to remedy this problem immediately), we'll have you up to speed in no time.

N7 is a designation of the Systems Alliance military, which protects the interests of Earth and all human colonies in Citadel space. This rank shows that its holder graduated from the rigorous Interplanetary Combatives Training program. The "N" indicates special forces, and the "7" is the highest level of completion. N7 designation can only be achieved by trainees who not only survive, but excel in active conflict situations throughout the galaxy. N7 personnel are the best and the brightest of Systems Alliance personnel.

As the first Mass Effect game debuted in North America in November 2007, the 7th day of November was chosen to officially mark the release anniversary--N7 Day had a pretty good ring to it! Please join us in celebrating our favorite N7 (Commander Shepherd, of course), the Ryder twins, Garrus, Peebee, and all things Mass Effect on the tenth anniversary of the original game's launch! (Editor's note: OMG has it been ten years!?)

Loot Fit For A Commander

Mass Effect Geeki Tikis

This year, we're proud to announce our new line of Mass Effect Geeki Tikis in honor of N7 Day. Enjoy your favorite galactic beverage from one of these ceramic tiki mugs. (Emergency induction ports not included.) Pre-order your set now to have them in time for the holidays!

Looking for even more great Mass Effect gear? We've got you covered! Take a look at all of our Mass Effect products and find the one that's perfect for you, or pick up the perfect gift for a Mass Effect fan in your life.

Carve A Spooky Timmy Geek-o-lantern

A Spooky Timmy Geek-o-lantern

Happy almost-Halloween! Here at ThinkGeek World Domination HQ, Halloween is probably our monkeys' collective favorite holiday. In addition to being dog-friendly, our office is also definitely costume-friendly (even Timmy dresses up!), and we take advantage of that each year. If you've been paying close attention over the years, you also know we love Jack-o-lanterns! We often carve some together and share our creations with you online.


History And Lore of Jack-o-lanterns

Of course, we couldn't carve Jack-o-lanterns without geeking out at least just a little bit. Do you know the history of the Jack-o-lantern? It's actually pretty interesting! The tradition of carving Jack-o-lanterns began in 19th century Ireland, and the original medium was a turnip, not a pumpkin. There is a lot of lore around the meaning of the lanterns, and much of it conflicts, but the name Jack-o-lantern is a reference to the unusual lights that flicker over Irish peat bogs, known as the will-o'-the-wisp, or, for the more technically inclined, ignis fatuus.

In Ireland and some parts of the Scottish Highlands, Halloween lines up with the festival of Samhain. It's long been believed that the souls of the dead wander the night at this time of year, and the Jack-o-lanterns people carved were meant to represent the spirits of the dead, or in some cases, to ward off the malicious ones.

Another telling of the origin of the Jack-o-lantern relates to the legend of "Stingy Jack," a man who asked the Devil to have a drink with him, and then tried to skip out on the bill. The legend follows Jack as he tricks and bargains with the devil time and again to keep himself safe throughout his life. Eventually, though, Jack died, and being barred from Heaven and exempt from hell, he roamed the Earth in spectral form with only a burning coal in a carved turnip to light his way. The legend of Stingy Jack is long enough for its own blog post, though, so you should just go read it here.


Carve Your Own

Want to carve your own Geek-o-lantern? Just download this Geek-o-lantern template, print it out, and cut out the black parts. Then, tape the stencil pattern to your pumpkin, trace on the design, and get to cutting! Just remember to be careful - knives are sharp and stuff.

Get yourself a nice, fresh pumpkin, get your tools together, and in no time at all, you'll have a great looking Geek-o-lantern to show off.

The Right Tools Make The Job Easier


Watch Us Carve Our Pumpkin

(Not at actual speed)


Put The Finishing Touches On Your Halloween Shopping

If you're still looking for the perfect Halloween costume or accessory, there's still time! Check out our Halloween apparel or just go ahead and order the perfect outfit for carving your Jack-o-lantern.

10/30 UPDATE: Thanks for hanging out with us! If you missed it (or just want to watch it again), check out the livestream on Twitch, Facebook, or YouTube!

Find us at www.twitch.tv/thinkgeek

Kobolds and goblins and adventure - oh my! All at Twitch.tv/thinkgeek

Spooky scary skeletons, and kobolds, and vampires, and beholders...

ThinkGeek is getting in the Halloween spirit with a Dungeons & Dragons 5e actual-play livestream! Join the adventure at 3 PM ET, Friday October 27th on Twitch, Facebook, and YouTube and you could win some loot of your own!

The Campaign

The harvest moon is rising and Countess Vorinica promises her most spectacular party ever. Guests will be attending from far and wide. The town of Fausthaven has been abuzz for weeks with enigmatic strangers arriving for the event. The ball will be held at the countesses country manor just outside of Fausthaven away from prying eyes and would be party crashers.

The Players

Dungeon Master, David Friant

David Friant is a friend of ThinkGeek and lifelong gamer. He runs Nerdarchy, a channel dedicated to everything involving tabletop roleplaying games. Nerdarchy is a great resource for player tips, DM advice, encounter building... you name it! He'll be DMing this game and will therefore be playing every character not controlled by our players.

Velisar Telurra, Half-Elf Warlock

Born into the noble Elven House of Telurra, Velisar found himself treated well but distanced from his family. This was not due to his half-elven heritage, but instead the actions of his father, a human adventurer of some note who fell to a cursed charm and turned upon his comrades. Among them was Velisar's mother who was killed. 

Long story short, as the years turned, a hint of the curse that befell his father tugged at Velisar until eventually it made contact: the Queen of Air and Darkness, Ruler of the Gloaming Court. He would be hers to direct for 50 years, upon which time he would be released from her cursed grasp.

Armada Von Singhel, Human Fighter

Armada is the latest hunter in a long line of hunters dedicated to ridding the world of monsters. She was trained from birth to track, hunt, and kill the creatures that prey upon mankind. Armada has no patience or leniency for those who fall into the category of monster, seeing the world as only black and white, good and evil, with no shades of gray.

This fighter has made a name for herself as a capable woman with an ability to solve unique problems and is often sought after by nobility of various ranks to help rid their lands of evil creatures plaguing their people. She will use nearly any method in pursuit of her goal, knowledge of arcana, history, even dabbling in magic, if it helps her save the day. Although, usually a crossbow bolt through the heart works well enough.

Harold Howard Copperworth, Bugbear Barbarian

Orphaned by his goblin tribe as a child, Harold was taken in and raised by the members of a chef's guild with more curiosity than common sense. The guild taught the bugbear everything they knew: cooking, conversing, fitting in in a more "civilized" society.  When his mentors thought him ready, they found him employment in the home of a more open-minded noble. Harold was diligent and thoughtful, earning his employer's favor and, eventually, the title of head butler.

But something dark lurks within Harold that he has to fight to control. He has always struggled to suppress an inner rage for as long as he can remember. While Harold won't speak about the incident that got him removed from his previous position, he is on the lookout for a new employer. Harold wishes to redeem himself as the civilized butler he knows he can be, but he can not always contain the animal instincts he has within. 

Fairegoe Il'Linde, Dark Elf (Drow) Bard

Fairegoe is a drow with dreams. He yearned to make a name for himself as a musician on the surface, but quickly found himself shunned from polite elf society because of his appearance. Turned away from the Elven musical academies, Fairegoe was forced to learn his trade by sneaking into bard colleges and theatres to practice in secret. 

To avoid the same rejection he faced in his youth, the drow wears a mask when he performs and will only publically play his music at night. Because of this, Fairegoe has built up a bit of a reputation for being mysterious, while whispered rumors wonder whether or not he is some sort of shade or specter. Now, Fairegoe is in search of a partner equal to his musical prowess. His enchanting voice and haunting melodies lure other bards to his side, but as of yet, no one has been worthy to join him.


Helja Gunnloda Wellsdeep, Gray Dwarf (Duergar) Rogue

Helja was born on the surface and raised by her mother, a duergar exile and a master criminal. She learned the tricks of the trade quickly, picking pockets and cutting purses while her mother served as a distraction. Helja was never satisfied with her performance, no matter the gold earned, and worked to prove herself a better thief than anyone. Her reckless attitude eventually lead to a falling out with her mother. This only served to motivate her further.

Helja often takes advantage of her innate ability to turn invisible, leading her to attempt more daring and foolhardy schemes. She is always looking for the next big score, eager to unleash her roguish reign of terror on unsuspecting towns.

Kelvin Ricard Drollsy III, Fallen Aasimar Wizard

Kelvin Ricard, or "KeeRye," was always an awkward child who liked to play with dead things from an early age. As an adult, not much has changed. Except now, the dead things play with him as well, and he is happy for their companionship. He has been bereft of living friends and family since the untimely death of his family due to a rotting disease that swept the household when Kelvin was 11. KeeRye was the only survivor, and it was months before anyone came to clean up the country estate.

Ever since then, he passes the time studying his mother's books on magic to discover the best ways to bring them all back. He enjoys playing games and having conversations his pet rat/bat Nebbekanezzer (affectionately known as NebNeb) and his favorite housemaid, who both help him as he studies dark secrets within his country estate. Though others may view him as strange and quite mad, KeeRye believes that those who cannot converse freely with the dead are the ones who have a touch of true madness.

Tune In to Win!

So don't forget to join us on Friday October 27th at 3 p.m. on Twitch, Facebook, or YouTube!

And if you're planning your own campaign, gear-up with our latest Dungeons & Dragons accessories!

Drink. Pina colada. Ice cold.

Can you believe it's been 30 years since the Enterprise-D explored the furthest reaches of space? Neither can we! This is a cause for celebration. The brilliant culinary monkeys here at ThinkGeek have devised a few drinks for you Trek fans. Delicious beverages that are so easy to mix that even a Crewman 3rd Class could make it so!

Don't forget the matching drinkware! Star Trek: The Next Generation Geeki Tikis are an excellent addition to any ship's galley.


Picard Punch

  • 4oz Blood Orange Juice
  • 4oz Pineapple Juice
  • 1/2oz Grenadine
  • 2oz Dark Rum
  • 2oz Light Rum
  • 1oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice

Courage of Kahless

  • 1oz Rum
  • 1oz Blue Curacao
  • 2oz Pineapple Juice
  • 1oz Coconut Cream
  • 1 cup Ice

Risa Sunrise

  • Champagne
  • 1/4 cup Blood Orange
  • Chopped strawberries
  • 1 Orange Popsicle 
  • Garnish with Mint

Risa Sunrise (Non-Alcholic)

  • Sparkling Water
  • 1/4 cup Blood Orange
  • Chopped Strawberries
  • 1 Orange Popsicle
  • Garnish with Mint

Choco-Lutus

  • 1/2 cup Cocoa
  • 2 1/4 cup Milk
  • 1 1/2 tbs Corn Starch
  • 1/4 cup Sugar
  • Choco-Lutus Preparation Tips:
    • Whisk until smooth
    • Bring to a boil (Whisk frequently to prevent scorching)