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Sep
22
2014

TL;DR Top Ten List: Top 10 Attractions We Want to See at the Star Wars Theme Park!

Death Star Trash Compactor

In our experiences, top ten lists normally have two flaws: they're poorly formatted for quick reading and they are normally wrong. Just check all the comments of any top ten list, and you'll see lots of other folks think the list is wrong, too.

With our TL;DR Top Ten Lists, we're going to fix both problems... with your help. We're just gonna give you a couple of things on our top ten list (to make it faster to read), and you fill out the rest in the comments below (to make sure the list is accurate). Add to the list, argue with us, argue with each other, but most importantly be nice and have fun.

Today's TL;DR Top Ten List topic is:

Top 10 Attractions We Want to See at the Star Wars Theme Park!

Death Star Assault

Yup, a Star Wars Theme Park is really in our future. We'll all learn more about it in 2015, but here are some rides we think are a must in a Star Wars Theme Park.

  1. Death Star Assault Roller Coaster

    Step into this X-Wing-themed coaster and get ready for battle. Mounted behind you are a myriad of speakers (for surround sound of the battle) and projected onto the walls around the coaster are videos of ships and explosions. When the ride starts, you are instantly launched into the fray with Linear Induction Motors accelerating you to a top speed of over 100 mph in a matter of seconds. You'll have all the twists and turns and inversions your daredevil heart desires. And then the last big drop: the final trench run (actually surrounded by the trench)! That's where you hear the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi tell you to use the force. And that's when you notice a flashing red button in front of you. Do you have what it takes to launch the torpedoes at the right time?

  2. Speeder Bike Endor Chase
  3. Speeder Bike Endor Chase Motion Simulator Ride

    Using the latest in motion-based rides and IMAX projection technology, this attraction will show you what it's like to ride a speeder bike through the giant trees of Endor. You'll assume the guise of a visiting Galactic dignitary, ready to tour the new shield generator facilities. When suddenly, the Rebels attack! Your tour vehicle (a multi-seat variant of a speeder bike) is commandeered by a Biker Scout and gives chase to the Rebels. Zipping in and out of trees, feeling the wind in your face, you'll enjoy a thrill like no other. And when the Rebel leader takes control of your tour vehicle and you learn you've actually been working for the Rebel Alliance all along and you help in the destruction of the shield generator and you see a giant explosion in the sky... well, that's when you'll end the ride with a party full of Ewoks singing and cheering for you. Just kidding. No Ewoks. Ever.

  4. Death Star Trash Compactor Foam Play Pit

    If you ask anyone who has ever worked at a place with a ball bit, they'll tell you ball pits are treasure troves of bacteria and disease. So, the Death Star Trash Compactor version is just matching the setting to the nature of the attraction! You'll slog through a variety of trash pieces, discarded droid parts, and various other bits of things the Empire wished to forget about - all made of safe and fun foam! Plus, there's an animatronic Dianoga for extra excitement. Oh, and every once in a while, the walls start closing in. Not a good attraction for those scared by close spaces. Or disease.

  5. Mos Eisley Cantina Bar and Grill
  6. Mos Eisley Cantina Bar and Grill

    This is a no brainer. The Cantina Bar and Grill would be full of costumed employees who interact with the diners. It would serve intergalactic diner-style food, all with silly Star Wars names. Let's see, there'd be Spiced Mynock Wings (Buffalo Wings), Tuskan Taters (Tater Tots), gallons of blue milk (blue milk), and so much more! And every hour, there would be a floor show featuring the Modal Nodes and a staged scuffle between a Jedi and an agitated Aqualish!

  7. Dagobah
  8. Dagobah Ropes and Climbing Course

    This attraction is all about physical fitness. You will be strapped into a safety harness, complete with a plush Yoda on your back, and let loose on a ropes and climbing course designed to look like the wilds of Dagobah. But the Yoda on your back just doesn't flop in the wind; he spouts encouraging phrases through his internal speaker as you progress on the course. You will feel like a true Jedi in training as you swing and stretch and sweat and succeed. And when you are done and leave the attraction (after removing the harness and Yoda), you'll go down a dark path and meet Vader. With a little movie magic, the face you see inside his helmet after you've severed it from his body (because we just know you'll have bought a lightsaber by this point) will be your own. YAY!

And now it's your turn. What do you think numbers 6-10 are? Do you agree with our numbers 1-5?

Take to the comments and help us find the Top 10 Attractions We Want to See at the Star Wars Theme Park!


Written by Mindel, a certified Master of Disguise (so long as the disguise looks just like him).

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Comments

meaningless icon! Motion simulator ride of asteroids field sequence. Forest moon treetop village. Pod racing coaster could be fun. Some sort of "Duel of the Fates" live show like Medieval Times.
mgroves said this 804 days ago.
meaningless icon! A Sarlacc Pit digestion tract!
MilwaukeeMax said this 804 days ago.
meaningless icon! Frozen in Carbonite Log Flume.
vladtheinhaler said this 804 days ago.
meaningless icon! Escape from the Death Star: an attraction where people get to dress up as Han, Leia, Luke, and Chewbacca and try to escape a large maze made to look like the halls and walkways of the Death Star and other people playing C3PO and R2D2 have to guide them from above while stormtroopers chase them as well...maybe make it like a lazer tag thing as well...
Delkon said this 804 days ago.
meaningless icon! They need to have the classic Disney water ride like Pirates of the Caribbean only in Jabba's palace with an animatronic Boba Fett and a rancor!
Footnow said this 804 days ago.
meaningless icon! Snowspeeder roller coaster with full sized AT&T's! And reversed shooting gallery, where you get shot at with lasers, and have to deflect with your fully functional lightsaber! *sigh*
HighlyCaffeinated said this 803 days ago.
meaningless icon! petting zoo. Also, build your own Android in cloud city... like build a bear but way better! Ooo, how about an attraction where you throw stuff at jar-jar, maybe darts...or shoot him with blasters. I would pay money to do that!
mathalot said this 803 days ago.
meaningless icon! Another vote for the asteroid field, definitely. Also, a simulator or virtual reality ride, with visitors being Han and Luke taking on the TIE fighter. ( And maybe some kind of science game where we have to figure out how to raise Anakin Skywalker's IQ so that he can find his kid, who kept his *real* last name and is living with a relative.)
I'mJustSayin' said this 798 days ago.
meaningless icon! Another vote for the asteroid field, definitely. Also, maybe a simulator or virtual reality ride, where visitors play at being Han and Luke taking on the TIE fighters.
I'mJustSayin' said this 798 days ago.
meaningless icon! I have designed cyber arena concept that can be used for various STAR WARS simulations.Main ideas: cooperative gaming based on 2D motion capture. Cosplay fans will be welcomed-) https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10152626167217492.1073741827.537837491&type=3
tauko said this 791 days ago.

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