It finally happened: the Mutant Jello is down!
Sometime between 7pm ET on Friday, August 12 and 8am ET on Monday, August 15, the Mutant Jello liberated itself from our door.
I'll pause here so you can pull on your hazmat suit and tape up your windows and doors.
Here's the backstory for those who haven't been following the dark, seething progress of the Mutant Jello the last 112 days.
For April Fool's Day, we fake-launched an Edible Gummi iPhone Case, and even though it wasn't really available for purchase, it was really mocked up by Hans, one our Geek Labs engineers, so we'd have something for the product shot. To create the case, he mixed three parts Jello to one part water, and when he was done, he dumped the extra into a bowl and stashed it in the fridge.
3 weeks later, on April 26, Hans came by the social media and t-shirt monkeys' office and as a joke, plopped the extra Jello out of the bowl and slapped it onto our glass door. Ha ha, we thought, and waited for it to slide down the glass.
To our horror, it did not budge--until this weekend.
We have observed the Mutant Jello over the last 112 days as it shriveled and lost moisture to the air, curling up at the edges and generally becoming more loathsome. It grew a kind of face with all the creases and cracks, and even the insects wouldn't mess with it. Because it was on the door, it was subjected to heat, cold, moisture, and movement; we were never gentle with it. Through it all, the Mutant Jello only grew more evil, and we feared it would achieve sentience and sprout legs--or tentacles--and begin its campaign to end humanity.
But sometime over this weekend it appears to have fallen off the door without any sense of self-preservation, smacking the door sill and leaving little pieces of itself (which have not yet multiplied or grown) and rolling under a nearby chair leaving a trail of brittle gelatin detritus. Now that we can get a good look at its belly, we can see it's still soft and gooey to the touch, except for a one inch margin around the outside. It is every bit as disgusting as we'd hoped.
So we must ask ourselves, is it trying to lull us into a false sense of security by feigning helplessness?
Will it begin its next lifecycle phase and explode into a cloud of Mutant Jello spores overnight?
Was it the humidity this weekend that dislodged its death grip from the door, or was it a prime directive?
We may never know, but we remain vigilant and have moved the Mutant Jello to a
box under my desk safe, undisclosed location for further study. In the meantime, we would like to reward @Jess_Dempsey for being the first to spot the Mutant Jello on the floor this morning via the Mutant Jello Cam.
As for our previous promise to ship the Mutant Jello to one random better who chose the correct date the Jello fell from the door, we're hoping for a little leniency; we might have some interesting plans for it, and we're not ready to give it up. However, we'd like to honor one Luke A. from Auburn, WA with a $100 gift certificate for guessing that it would drop sometime after May 16th. Luke, we'll email you shortly.
For the 3.3% of our gamblers who thought it would stay there forever, we're just as shocked as you.
So, since we don't want to give it up entirely, what do you think we should do next with the Mutant Jello?