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Aug
15
2011

The Mutant Jello's terrifying rise... and fall

This is his Mutant Jello inspection NASA bunny suit

It finally happened: the Mutant Jello is down!

Sometime between 7pm ET on Friday, August 12 and 8am ET on Monday, August 15, the Mutant Jello liberated itself from our door.

I'll pause here so you can pull on your hazmat suit and tape up your windows and doors.

Here's the backstory for those who haven't been following the dark, seething progress of the Mutant Jello the last 112 days.

For April Fool's Day, we fake-launched an Edible Gummi iPhone Case, and even though it wasn't really available for purchase, it was really mocked up by Hans, one our Geek Labs engineers, so we'd have something for the product shot. To create the case, he mixed three parts Jello to one part water, and when he was done, he dumped the extra into a bowl and stashed it in the fridge.

3 weeks later, on April 26, Hans came by the social media and t-shirt monkeys' office and as a joke, plopped the extra Jello out of the bowl and slapped it onto our glass door. Ha ha, we thought, and waited for it to slide down the glass.

To our horror, it did not budge--until this weekend.

Evolution of the Mutant Jello

We have observed the Mutant Jello over the last 112 days as it shriveled and lost moisture to the air, curling up at the edges and generally becoming more loathsome. It grew a kind of face with all the creases and cracks, and even the insects wouldn't mess with it. Because it was on the door, it was subjected to heat, cold, moisture, and movement; we were never gentle with it. Through it all, the Mutant Jello only grew more evil, and we feared it would achieve sentience and sprout legs--or tentacles--and begin its campaign to end humanity.

But sometime over this weekend it appears to have fallen off the door without any sense of self-preservation, smacking the door sill and leaving little pieces of itself (which have not yet multiplied or grown) and rolling under a nearby chair leaving a trail of brittle gelatin detritus. Now that we can get a good look at its belly, we can see it's still soft and gooey to the touch, except for a one inch margin around the outside. It is every bit as disgusting as we'd hoped.

Dorsal, lateral, and ventral views of the fallen Mutant Jello It seems to have fallen straight down, hit the door sill, then bounced and/or rolled under the chair

So we must ask ourselves, is it trying to lull us into a false sense of security by feigning helplessness?

Will it begin its next lifecycle phase and explode into a cloud of Mutant Jello spores overnight?

Was it the humidity this weekend that dislodged its death grip from the door, or was it a prime directive?

We may never know, but we remain vigilant and have moved the Mutant Jello to a box under my desk safe, undisclosed location for further study. In the meantime, we would like to reward @Jess_Dempsey for being the first to spot the Mutant Jello on the floor this morning via the Mutant Jello Cam.

As for our previous promise to ship the Mutant Jello to one random better who chose the correct date the Jello fell from the door, we're hoping for a little leniency; we might have some interesting plans for it, and we're not ready to give it up. However, we'd like to honor one Luke A. from Auburn, WA with a $100 gift certificate for guessing that it would drop sometime after May 16th. Luke, we'll email you shortly.

For the 3.3% of our gamblers who thought it would stay there forever, we're just as shocked as you.

So, since we don't want to give it up entirely, what do you think we should do next with the Mutant Jello?

[ post a comment ]

Comments

meaningless icon! Does anybody else think that Mutant Jello might have metamorphosed into a Barnacle from Half-Life? All it's missing is a mouth and long proboscis for feeding.
gman_harmon said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! There are no words...
10kiki24 said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! I voted for you to Livestream the autopsy, but if it starts to twitch, look out! It might kill everyone present, grab hold of one of your bodies, and then speak through the corpse and tell the others at ThinkGeek HQ "Release Me..." (in which case, we'll need some firepower, a space ship, and a computer virus for the remaining Mutant Jellos hovering around our planet.)
kh1369 said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! Looks like a creep tumor from SCII... Watch out for proxy Nydus worms!
AmericanAl said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! i think we should investigate how it stuck for so long...a very intense, in depth, autopsy is needed i think..with alot of scientific tests and probes...lol
merrique said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! do the autopsy but i also think someone should eat some and monitor for possible cures. just make sure the person is well watched in case the mutant properties transfer to the host. a 24 hour locked down cell should do it.
mystra13 said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! I agree with kh 1369, you might want to find a deep bunker! I would have your wills filled out too...but if it's going for world domination...maybe we should send it to the abyss!
sailorhitch said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! If it's anything like the sapient blue icing on Wal-Mart cakes, you will be finding bits of it on the carpet for even longer than 112 days. We never did eradicate the blue icing, it merely stopped showing itself to us humans. I fear the two will team up.
Merennulli said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! After the Mutant Jello World Domination Tour and/or Autopsy; preserve it (Lucite?) and auction it off for charity.
z000mx2 said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! I have graciously offered to billet MJ on it's global journey to takeover mankind. I will also gladly pay to send him/her/it off to other like minded Geeks.
Syhano said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! Be careful if you do the autopsy it may contain psychic pollen and cause the Dream Lord to appear. Just remember if you die in a dream you wake up in reality. If you die in reality... you die. That's why its called reality!
Edison101 said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! how come "eat it" isn't an option?
chiquens said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! I say we keep the little blighter in a safe confinement. If you start chopping up bits, you'll be sorry once The Doctor shows up to meet it. You'll be THOSE humans, AGAIN.
InkDoctor said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! I want to know if you're going to try to replicate this? Or has anyone else?
WildRoses26 said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! Y'all need to develop a TG "Area 51" for the safe, humane "storage" of the Mutant Jello....Until such a time as it's Mutant Jello brethren come to forcibly release it.
Mn-Vixen said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! I think the mutant jello should run for president!!! I would certainly vote in favor of it.
AussieBushBaby said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! This reminds me of the time I added two White Castle Cheeseburgers to my Museum of American Culture(Don't ask just ask just know it also included a can of Original(Not Classic) Coke) Anyway the White Castles where in the museum for over 12 years. They did not rot or decay, they kind of mummified and got real dusty. Finally I threw them away when I got married... "They're What?! No you can't keep them in the new house!"
jlamp said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! Gentlemonkeys, in the name of science, I am willing to risk my health, well-being and free will to conduct the following vital experiments on the mutant jello: 1. I will poke it with a stick. On both sides 2. I will lick it. Also on both sides 3. I will kick it repeatedly against the second riser of my stairwell, on the hypothesis that this is the secret to immortality (and the desperate hope that it will save me from the inevitable effects of Experiment #2)
Pengwn-17 said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! By all means lets experiment on this thing. We need to study it before its brethren arrive to take over. And I want to see this thing get Frelted!
Salamane said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! So, if the mutant jell-o is alive, does it have rights?
metalhobo said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! Mutant Jello world tour! Send it to WA Australia and I will send it on from there. The only problem is if it gains sentience then it may know too many of our state secrets... Oh well! Hail to the Mutant Jello overlord.
Sutowato said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! CAREFUL! I think that it actually lept from the door and struck the sill on purpose, in an effort to crack open its self-created protective outer layer, and then to release upon us the entity that has been germinating within. Be wary, my friends.
Bagelman said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! This the early development stage of the parasite that killed Kirk's brother and nearly took Spock's life. It just launched itself at Timmy. It's ultimate mistake!
gnomewife said this 1079 days ago.
meaningless icon! I'm all for dissection in the name of science but there does seem to be some debate regarding the actual mortality status of the jello. Without further study we cannot be certain that this "death" is merely some dormant regenerative state or a natural part of the mutant jello's life cycle leading to its adult form bursting forth from its exoskeletal cocoon. The disturbing possibility also exists that this could be the end of a long gestational period culminating in the imminent birth of thousands of mutant jello offspring voraciously scouring the Think Geek offices for living hosts. You're Welcome. :)
Xoannon said this 1078 days ago.
meaningless icon! I say you sonic it and keep a close on on some psychic paper to see if it responds. If nothing happens, wait for a blue box to randomly appear and leave it by the door.
Damm_Doctor said this 1078 days ago.
meaningless icon! OMG I always wondered where the darlek's came from and now we know - this must be the exoskeletal cocoon that it starts with to then seriously plot the demise of Doctor Who and the Mastermind behind the rise of the Apes who are still plotting revenge after we took back our planet by force.....I somehow think there is going to be a sequel to this developing story....
Gomezyoda said this 1077 days ago.
meaningless icon! I, for one, welcome our Mutant Jello overlords!
nemesis007 said this 1077 days ago.
meaningless icon! I say keep it safely contained and try to communicate with it until an expert shows up. *cough* thedoctor *cough* to tell us what it is and how to deal with it. The only problem with disecting it is what if it turns out to be a very helpful and powerful ally? You can't rewind disecting it.
Sapphire Wing said this 1077 days ago.
meaningless icon! You should keep it in lockdown at the lab, and MAKE IT A MATE!!! Make another bowl.. in green or blue.. find it some other surface, and see how it fairs! Perhaps it would appreciate a child.Then take it skateboarding, or to a theme park. Let it see the friendly side of humanity. Before it decides to destroy us... You could say that it controlled your mind and made you do it. Who's to say the first invading alien species WON"T procreate through mind control? They won't need to eat us.. they'll just have us engineer their babies. $5 to whomever will take a photo with this thing on their head aka futurama blobs.
Elaya said this 1077 days ago.
meaningless icon! Holy crap. That thing looks disturbingly like those giant brain cells from Star Trek: TOS. During the autopsy, be sure to test reaction to 1 million+ candle power of light! We MUST make sure we can kill it!
ncc74656m said this 1077 days ago.
meaningless icon! Who cares if it takes over the world? As long as we get our healthcare benefits still...ooh! And we should also keep our 401k. Otherwise... DIE MUTANT JELLO!
wacky3zaybxc said this 1076 days ago.
meaningless icon! I for one vote that you keep it more of less contained, but in the more than likely event that it gains consciousness, perhaps give it a few pounds of bacon, some cookies, a large coffee and a TG giftcard. Ya' know, try to get on it's good side before it takes over the world ;)
dalek96 said this 1073 days ago.
meaningless icon! Maybe...you should "implant" some into someone's mouth to give them 112 extra days in his/her lifetime. Or shorten it by the same amount.
wacky3zaybxc said this 1072 days ago.
meaningless icon! I think we should elect it to congress or have it run for president. It couldn't do any worse that the blobs of jello already there.
Yodat said this 1071 days ago.
meaningless icon! This actually kind of looks like it could be some kind of cool, creepy pillow that would randomly shake for a quick second, squirm and make weird creepy noises. I know I'd definitely leave that for my girlfriend to get a good laugh.
Zurish said this 1060 days ago.
meaningless icon! I agree with Elaya, make it another one! Maybe it would reproduce.
Kazzam said this 1007 days ago.
meaningless icon! your cleaner must really hate you
icefirestorm said this 714 days ago.
meaningless icon! Kill it with fire!
Garryu said this 714 days ago.
meaningless icon! I'm good with just locking it away for years...but not in a giant glass tube-y box-y prison-y thing - cause that never works. It will escape and take over TG HQ and Timmy would be forced to don his Jayne hat and snatch up his mini-Vera and take it out....while it would be an epic movie and I'd pay to see that....we must protect the minions at TG - I need all of the things available on this site....true story bro.
capn mal said this 460 days ago.
meaningless icon! I would gladly host it's Grand High Mutantness for a few days(hours?) and take it's Horribleness on a tour of a small part of it's future domain.
Candlewic said this 460 days ago.

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